I need one of these. After hitting the snooze button, this alarm clock on wheelsl rolls itself into a random place in the room. Thus ensuring that the second time the alarm goes off, the waker is really awake before shutting it off.

Story courtesy of boing boing.

Courtesy of an email from my sister: DJ Lejo. A cute and quite odd video from Lejo Bordje, a Dutch hand puppeteer.

Love the Victrola, what versatility as a turntablist.

My dad emailed these to me earlier today. I don’t have a source, but it feels a lot like Steven Wright or George Carlin. Doing a google just turned up people with similar blog entries. Oh well, unoriginal it may be to post this, its still damn funny:

1. I planted some birdseed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.

2. I had amnesia once — or twice.

3. I went to San Francisco. I found someone’s heart. Now what?

4. Protons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.

5. All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.

6. If the world were a logical place, men would ride horses sidesaddle.

7. What is a “free” gift? Aren’t all gifts free?

8. They told me I was gullible … and I believed them.

9. Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he’ll never be able to merge his car onto a freeway.

10. Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.

11. Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.

12. What if there were no hypothetical questions?

13. One nice thing about egotists: They don’t talk about other people.

14. When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to look like a nail.

15. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

16. What was the greatest thing before sliced bread? Hmmmm?

17. My weight is perfect for my height — which varies.

18. I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.

19. The cost of living hasn’t affected its popularity.

20. How can there be self-help “groups”?

21. Is there another word for synonym?

22. Where do forest rangers go to “get away from it all”?

23. The speed of time is one second per second.

24. Is it possible to be totally partial?

25. What’s another word for thesaurus?

26. Is Marx’s tomb a communist plot?

27. If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

28. Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I’ll show you a man who can’t get his pants off.

29. It’s not an optical illusion. It just looks like one.

30. Is it my imagination, or do Buffalo wings taste like chicken?

Got this from my uncle, thought it was sort of cute:

Use the third letter of your first name to determine your new first name:

a = poopsie b = lumpy c = buttercup
d = cookie e = crusty f = greasy
g = fluffy h = cheeseball i = chim-chim
j = stinky k = flunky l = bootie
m = pinky n = zippy o = goober
p = doofus q = slimy r = loopy
s = snotty t = tootie u = dorkey
v = queezy w = oprah x = skipper
y = dinky z = zsa-zsa

Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of your new last name:

a = apple b = toilet c = giggle
d = burger e = girdle f = barf
g = lizard h = waffle i = cootie
j = monkey k = potty l = liver
m = banana n = rhino o = bubble
p = hamster q = toad r = gizzard
s = pizza t = gerbil u = chicken
v = pickle w = chuckle x = tofu
y = goat z = stinker

Use the fourth letter of your last name to determine the second half of your
new last name:

a = head b = mouth c = face
d = nose e = tush f = breath
g = pants h = shorts i = sneakers
j = honker k = butt l = brains
m = tushie n = biscuits o = hiney
p = chunks q = toes r = buns
s = fanny t = sniffer u = sprinkles
v = kisser w = squirt x = humperdinck
y = brains z = juice

Thus, for example, George W. Bush’s new name is Goober Chickenshorts. William Jefferson Clinton is Bootie Liverbiscuits.

Check this link out, it tracks how the electoral college’s votes are changing on a daily basis. I was pretty depressed last week as Bush was in the lead, but today it is Kerry 271, Bush 257! They’ve got some really interesting graphs, charts, reports, animations, etc that show the vote data back to May 2004. They predict a final election outcome of Kerry 301 to Bush 231.

Here’s hoping they’re right! Enjoy.